My Big Secret – Part 2

I think I left you hanging long enough. So here is my second big secret. If you have been following my blog for the past year, you know of my big move to India and all the trials and travails that followed. It wasn’t as easy move after spending 13 years of my married life in the U.S. And my husband being unemployed did not help matters either. Add to that the education system which came as a complete shock to my kids and me. The fact that I did not have my own space or freedom made matters worse. So after much deliberation (mostly on my part) we decided to move back to the U.S.

In a week I will be moving with my family. You could say I am escaping, running away because I am too weak to face the challenges life has thrown at me. But I am just returning. Returning to a familiar place that I have come to call home. Where I have the freedom to be the person I want to be and not feel guilty about it or be ostracized for it. For those who think I am weak, let me tell you that I faced these challenges for a year using all my strength, faith and all the support I could garner. But at some point I had to admit to myself that things are not working out as planned and that I would never be truly happy here. And that somewhere along the way I ceased to belong to this place. Since this is my big reveal, I won’t go into the challenges I faced in Chennai in detail. That is material for a whole new post.

We have been moving every year since 2014 and this time I intend to put down roots, put my foot down and cement myself in North Carolina. For the next several years my kids need the stability of attending one school and growing up with friends they care about. As for me, I am tired of packing and giving away stuff and moving like a freaking nomad.

For the record, I lived in the same city for 23 years of my life, attended the same school from kindergarten to 12th grade. I attended college and university in the same city and had friends I knew from the cradle! I think my kids deserve a little bit of that too.

If you are reading this, please know that it isn’t as easy as it looks – hauling your family half way across the globe and then back in a year. We don’t have jobs waiting for us. We have to buy everything from furniture to vehicles and insurance. It is scary, but less scary than having to live in Chennai for another year without jobs. America isn’t called the land of opportunity for nothing! So I beseech you to keep us in your prayers as we make this move and settle down. Thank you and wishing you a lot of success if you are making big changes in your life. I will leave you with this quote I saw on Facebook yesterday that really resonated with me – If you don’t like where you are, move. You are not a tree. (Jim Rohn)

9 thoughts on “My Big Secret – Part 2

  1. Hey Dums,

    I thought about you often when you moved to India…! Ofcourse never wrote to tell you about it, but you were there at the back of my thoughts, because it is something I would still love to do( move back to india), but frankly don’t think it will work out well. 🙂

    Though it is the country of my dreams, growing up in India was traumatic…. unfortunately, I never felt I belonged there! Now after I have experienced life elsewhere, I feel I will never belong…. but it still remains the country of my dreams!!!!

    When you made known your intention to move back, I admired the strength of conviction which enabled you all to take the decision to go back to settle in India. It is indeed daunting! But now, your decision about moving back to America, and writing about it to let us know, has my deepest appreciation.

    It has my deepest appreciation, because today’s world has become so much about successful decisions, successful careers, success at every stage in your life, otherwise society labels you a ‘ failure’!

    It’s never easy to admit it when you are wrong, but it’s even tougher to retrace your steps…. your kids will be so empowered by the fact that both of you are never afraid to make mistakes, admit it, and move on from those mistakes!

    I am teaching my daughters about failure, and moving on, but don’t have any real life people to relate to.. …. and now my search has ended, cos you both have become my heroes…! I just need a few real life people, whom I can relate to, and who are not afraid to say- I may not have made the right choice, so let’s move on..

    I only have autobiographies of people who have admitted their mistakes! Haha! That’s how unreal the world is!

    Hats off to you both! And would love a blog on the amazing experiences in the year you were in india.

    1. Nisha, I hardly deserve the pedestal you hastily put me on. I owe it to many other friends who follow my blog and who have expressed this longing to move back to India, to be authentic about my experience here. I grew up in this city and have the fondest memories of it. But the city has changed and unless you were living and adapting through its changes, it’s hard to fit in and belong. More in my blog about moving back to Chennai.

  2. I guess when you are my age (67) you will think differently about home; I still long to go back to God’s own country where I took birth; not Chennai though (where I spent 40 years – a good part of my lif. Reason: Chennai has lost its values and decency. Reminds me of SciFi ‘Escape from LA”

  3. That’s the most joyous news ! Yes ,you and your family will bloom to the full .and at the moment Iam inCharlotte N C ! Will be coming back and forth See you one day .i will be in Tuscaloosa ,AL Good wishes and prayers !

  4. Prayers are with you Dammu. All the very best. As a person who has lived a bit of the nomadic life myself , I know the pain and difficulties that you are going through. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Let me know if I can help, even if it’s only a little chat, I will be very happy to do that. God Bless and Good on you for making the decision. Do you skype ? Love, Nirmal

  5. Hey lady,

    Having only lived in India for 6 years of my life, it has never ever been a part of my life plan to move there. I think, in fact, the prospect used to fill me with dread growing up and in my 20s. So it is with some measure of cautious awe that I look at people who decide to move back. I can’t imagine anybody thinking you are running away but just gently discarding options that no longer work for you. I am so glad for you and the decision you take for your happiness.
    And regarding your kids, I spent my childhood in 3 different countries and I always look at it as a huge boon. My parents were amazing in ensuring that my siblings and I were always aware of why we were moving and what it entailed etc. And I never, for once, felt destabilized because they always ensured that I had a core (them and the life they built for us) to look to for assurance. It also gave us truckloads of confidence to start middle school, high school in different countries and make friends wherever we go. And now because of them, I have core friends from different parts of my life that I can reach out to. I hope you know that this will be a grand adventure for your kids. I hope that you also know (which I am sure you do) that you guys are amazing parents for being brave enough to explore untrodden path.
    Hope you have an amazing time in NC! I consider the Carolinas the prettiest states here.

    1. Sheena, thank you for sharing your experiences. As parents we try our best and sometimes muck things up. Hopefully, my kids will turn out to be confident adults like you and will look at all the moves we made as something positive! Much love. Do visit us if you are in the area.

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