All posts by DC

So I’m Bossy Now

The other day my husband remarked, “Of late you’ve become so bossy.” I told him I was tired of being nice because I never got anything I wanted. The kids keep telling me to stop yelling and I’m like if I ask you nicely you just don’t do it,  so I have to yell to get you guys to listen to me. I’m just sick and tired of us women being told to be nice and quiet while every Tom, Dick and Harry steamrolls over us and hands us a cartload of patriarchal nonsense.

I stopped caring about what people thought about me and started thinking about me and what I need to be happy. I think it’s called taking charge, being in control. If you find me loud and obnoxious – I don’t care. Just like you didn’t care about anything I wanted or expected out of you!

When men do it, they are applauded for strength of character and leadership skills and when women so much as raise their voice they are bossy, intimidating and unlikeable. Well sorry! We’re done with the all cute and cuddly purring kitten types that are dripping honey and hanging on your every word. You stepped on our tails more than once and we’re lashing out with our teeth and claws.

You wax eloquent about your stressful day and how much you have accomplished while we straddle corporate careers and motherhood, cooking gourmet meals and coding and so much more that your testosterone-filled veins can handle for a day.  And yet WE are the fairer sex? The weaker ones needing your patronage and protection? Why don’t you hulks try birthing a child or nursing twins or even trying to fend off nausea for a week. Or maybe try, just try to make dinner every night after work.

So if I yell when I come home and the entire kitchen island is filled with everything you ate from breakfast cereal to tortilla chip crumbs and the sink is overflowing with dishes, its because I just finished my day job where I get paid and appreciated and now I’m at my second job that is thankless with no pay.

I don’t like microwave meals myself or I would have abandoned kitchen duties the day I started working full-time. Or stopped packing lunches for the kids and asked them to make do with the gross school cafeteria food. And with cooking comes mountains of dishes. I’m thankful for the dishwasher but unfortunately it doesn’t load itself. I don’t think it will kill anyone if they loaded the dishwasher every night after I was done making dinner.  Again everyone would rather I do it, till I make a scene and ask the kids to do their chores.

Then again why is dinner my responsibility ALWAYS! Why do chores have to be gender based? All of this churns through my psyche and makes me yell every once in a while. You have a choice to not cook or clean and I don’t? That really makes me yell dude! And since it’s my kitchen, it’s MY RULES. Obey or be prepared to be shredded to fine saw dust.

And  you can shove that unsolicited advice you know where! If you aint helping, I don’t need your suggestions for improvement. I’ve been doing this for 15 years and I think I qualify as an expert! So there you go. I’m bossy and unapologetic. They may promote me to a manager at work for my much sought after leadership skills!

 

Christmas in Florida

I miss Florida. Florida in the winter. Florida’s beaches. A particular friend who lives in Florida. So when P suggested we go to Florida, my joy knew no bounds. We decided to go visit our favorite haunts in Melbourne. The soccer fields where I spent many an evening while my son was at soccer practice. The Avenue at Viera which was right next to our apartment, where we went for morning walks, evening walks, window shopping, or eating out at one of its many restaurants. And finally to the beach – my happy place.

To break up our 9-hour drive, we made a pit stop at Savannah, Georgia. I had read about this place in the book, “Gone with the Wind” but had no idea it would be such a charming little Southern city. Each house is a piece of art with cast-iron fronts, gas-lit lamps on the porch, lush gardens tucked away in the back. Most of the buildings are from the 1800s and early 1900s. Almost every intersection has a park with a fountain in the middle, the most exquisite one was the Forsyth Park with water spouting mermen and  swans. The park also had a dummy fort converted into a visitor center with restrooms, and statues dedicated to confederate soldiers sprinkled all over the place. On River Street you could take a boat ride on the Savannah River, which we passed up for lunch at one of the many river side restaurants. We ordered salmon burgers, fried green tomatoes, shrimp salad on a croissant, and a southern medley platter with macaroni and cheese, orzo pasta, collard greens and mashed sweet potatoes. The last two were a bad choice. The collard greens were soggy and the sweet potatoes were goop. So much for eating my veggies! I asked for a bowl of mashed potatoes instead. Tummies full, we were ready for our 5-hour drive to Florida.

On our first day there, we reached the beach around sunset. I think the last time I went to a beach was 2 years ago in Chennai. I felt like a child seeing the beach for the first time. The sounds of the sea, the cool waves rushing and then slowly licking my feet, the sky painted in hues of orange, purple and grey, felt surreal. My heart exploded with joy and love and I told the ocean I loved her. I know it feels silly in hindsight but the ocean felt alive. I could feel her heartbeat and was held in rapture by her beauty. I turned around to walk along the wet markers made by the waves and I found a piece of coquina (soft limestone made of broken shells) . It was heart shaped and I felt like the ocean was telling me she loved me back. The kids splashed around in the water and I quietly walked along the edge of the waves, an indescribable peace washing over me.  When it got dark, we saw some people start bonfires and light tiki torches.  The smell of hot dogs cooking on a fire wafted towards me and made me hungry. We grabbed some pizza for dinner and headed back to our room for some shut eye.

On Christmas eve, we met our old friends from Florida for a day at Brevard Zoo. The zoo was just 5 minutes from our apartment when we lived in Melbourne and had a zoo membership, so we were there almost every weekend. The kids knew most of the animals, especially the talking hyacinth macaw that kept yelling, “cracker” or “back to work”. There were a few new exhibits and one of them was a kangaroo trail where you could have a close encounter with a kangaroo.  I must say that the board outside explicitly warned us but I chose to ignore it. The most dangerous thing at the zoo as far as I knew was the bird feeding exhibit where noisy lorikeets would land on your shoulders and arms. So I thought these people knew what they were doing when they opened the kangaroo walking trail. When I stepped in, there were a bunch of people being entertained by a small kangaroo with a zoo keeper in close proximity. How dangerous could this be? We joined the raggle taggle crowd and stood with our backs glued to the fence that separated all the other kangaroos from us.  The little marsupial started off by sniffing our feet and then chewing on my son’s shoe laces. Then it moved to my husband’s shoelaces and then it started tugging at his cargo pants. The zoo keeper lady intervened and shooed it away. It then started sniffing my sandals and lifted its head and held onto my thighs at which point I freaked out. I tried to shrug the thing off but it took offence and bit me on my knee and scratched my thigh when I was turning away. Big mistake! It saw my bag with its shiny sequins and grabbed onto it. I was screaming and trying to run away while this creature was pulling my bag and me from behind. It felt like I was running but getting no where. The zoo keeper somehow got it off of me and then we all decided to leave. Our friends had little children under 5 and I felt like it was really dangerous for them to be there.

The young ones were getting hungry so we had some lunch and then headed to the mall. It was a gorgeous 80 degrees and we sat by the fountains and chatted away while the kids rolled on the fake grass and had a ball. Around 4 we headed to the beach. The two toddlers decided to bury themselves in sand and we stopped them right when they were half buried. We then took a long walk along the beach and the kiddos got wet and then proceeded to roll in the sand. It took my friend a while to get them both washed up and out of their sandy clothes. We all stood talking in the parking lot because we didn’t want the day to end. But we knew we had a long trip ahead of us so we reluctantly said our goodbyes and headed back to the hotel.

On our way back we stopped in Savannah again and ended up eating overpriced pizza in a hole-in-the-wall pizza shack (sorry that place cannot be called a restaurant!) We forgot that most places are closed for Christmas. It was too cold to stroll around and I just wanted to go home and eat something that was home cooked. Our short and sweet Florida vacation was over but I will hold onto the memories of the beach and the time we spent  with our friends for a long time to come.  So long Florida and I hope we meet again soon!

22 Days of Gratitude and Counting

Like promised, I kept a memo pad at my work desk and every day I jotted down what I was thankful for in the time it took my laptop to switch on. On weekends, I stuck my gratitude notes on the refrigerator. The notes were not as thoughtful and deep as the ones I did last year, when I had all day to think about what I was grateful for. Also, this year a little prayer for those who are living in pain or poverty accompanied most of my gratitude notes because memories of not being in a place of abundance are still fresh in my memory.

At the end of October we moved to our own home and I am really enjoying the space and the views of the autumn-kissed trees from nearly every window. We have been living in apartments ever since we moved from Boston and I have longed to give the kids their own rooms and a backyard. My son used to kick a ball around inside our apartment in Florida, knocking down knick knacks in the process. The people who lived below us used to bang their ceiling with a broom every time we made some noise. And I’m talking about me rolling some dough for dinner! I’m guessing they did night shifts and were trying to get some sleep when we were up and about.

We moved into an even smaller apartment when we relocated to Redmond. Thankfully it was on the ground floor and close to the playground.The pictures the leasing office sent us were misleading and made everything look bigger than it actually was. Unfortunately, we couldn’t make a trip just to look for apartments because of the distance.  Only when our furniture arrived did we realize that the place was way too small. The dining table almost pushed against the patio door, the couches filled pretty much the entire living room. The kids room had no space for their desk and so it ended up in the already cramped living room.  So much so that it was impossible for my son to play ball inside the house.

And now we have all this space and no furniture! But I’m grateful that we are slowly building back our lives. It’s like we got a fresh start.

Another friend who went through some great upheaval in her life also had a major breakthrough. She quit her job (which wasn’t paying her much) because she had to deal with a chronic illness. Her dream to find a job where she is appreciated and well-paid started off as a summer internship. The culture, the people, and the work were all a perfect fit, but the internship was going to end. Impressed by her work and can-do attitude, her manager created a position in the company so they could hire her full-time. I repeat, CREATED a position. How cool is that? I am so grateful for miracles like these that show up around me. It gives me hope when things aren’t looking up or when fear grips my heart.

Just today I read an article on how gratitude changes the energy around us and raises our vibration. It also acts as a magnet for more good to come forth into our lives. So this Thanksgiving remember its not about the food, the football game or shopping deals. Remember to give thanks for all you have and also pray for those who are not as fortunate as you are. Happy Thanksgiving everyone and do share what you are grateful for in the comments below.

Harvesting Bountiful Gifts

The shorter days and longer nights make me thankful for the warmth of the sun and the long lazy days of summer that never ended. Pumpkins, squash and sweet potatoes in abundance remind me that Mother Earth will provide for us even when the cold winter winds blow. A roof over our heads and family and friends that care fills my heart with gratitude.  A job, healthy children, joy and abundant energy add to my already overflowing bucket.

I can’t  say I felt the same last year. We had just moved from India and were finding our bearings in a new place. We were planting seeds in the fall. Seeds of abundance, love and joy that had been missing for a while. But our seeds lay dormant in the winter. It took every ounce of my strength to do the 30 days of gratitude exercise which I shared with you last November.  But I knew from past experience that gratitude was the way to bring more blessings into your life. Not feelings of worthlessness or pity. So I watered my seeds with gratitude over the winter.

Some sprouts tried to push through the frosty earth but quickly died.  But some survived. The strong intentions, the ones I didn’t want to give up on, lived under the frozen ground. I couldn’t see them but a tiny glimmer of hope wedged itself in my heart.  In March the tiny sprouts surfaced and I watered them eagerly.

A year has passed since I planted seeds of abundance, joy and a beautiful space to call our own and now our tree of prosperity is blooming.  One seed that I presumed had died in the winter somehow surfaced a few weeks ago. My longing for a friend in this new place was fulfilled. Thanks to V who moved to Raleigh. We’ve known each other since college and it was refreshing to just be myself in her company (as opposed to making new friends at my age!)

So this year’s harvest has been bountiful and I won’t be surprised if more seeds come back from the dead. Who knows? It doesn’t hurt to keep watering them and maybe next spring is when they want to emerge. Who am I to judge?

I challenge you – yes you – to practice 30 days of gratitude starting from the 1st of November. I will be doing it as well although it is going to be challenging with my busy schedule. I think I’ll keep a journal at my desk to remind me to be thankful. And I don’t do this just in November. Whenever I find joy ebbing and whining taking over my life I stop myself and try to focus on gratitude. It always helps and makes me feel better and less whiny of course!

Power Up, Bring it On!

This post is dedicated to all the supermoms out there. Who knew that the tiny bump growing in your belly would one day unleash dormant powers that you never knew you possessed. In the first few days of your baby’s life you realize you can wake up at unearthly hours, sleep-walk to the crib, feed and burp a baby and go back to sleep. You can survive months or years without your daily quota of 8 hours of sleep. You become immune to stale spit-up all over your t-shirt or find yourself ignoring the dirty dishes calling for your attention.

How about the one that allows you to keep a deadpan face while your toddler is howling and screaming in the grocery store. Or the one that allows you to straddle a baby and do chores around the house.

If you have a boy or a girl who is into sports (unlike yourself) you suddenly develop motor skills you never thought you possessed. Shooting hoops or hitting a baseball like a pro becomes second nature to you. This goes for things you never warmed up to as a kid but then find yourself doing and also enjoying as a mom. Like say camping and the outdoors.

And then there are other brave moms who venture back to work while nursing infants. They work, attend meetings, commute, stay up at night feeding their babies, cook dinner and still have enough energy to go around. I call it the energizer bunny superpower. I never tapped into that power since I decided to stay home with the kids.

Now when my kids are in middle school and high school, I’m back at work full-time and have to get back home and take care of dinner and the dishes. Throw in some homework help as well and you can see how busy my day is.

Like that wasn’t crazy enough, I have to wake up at 5.00 a.m. to get my daughter to the bus stop at 6.00. A week into this schedule and I was ready to call it quits. But then my superpowers kicked in and somehow I manage to get through the week. There are moments when I find it hard to string a sentence together because my brain has fallen asleep.

Then throw in after-school activities and your walking-on-a tight-rope superpower gets activated to make sure you don’t end up falling on your face. It takes a while to grow into your superpowers so don’t be disheartened if you feel like you are falling apart.

Any challenge you face as a mom, be sure that there is some secret superpower you wield that can help you ace your game. Two sick kids and an ailing parent? You got it! Crazy commute and a husband who is travelling frequently? Bring it on!  Colicky baby and a brand new puppy? Oh yeah!

Now that I have kids, I have a lot of respect for my mom and the way she managed her time and energy to make sure that we were well-fed and that we had clean clothes to wear, while working full-time as a Hindi teacher. Her day started at 5.00 a.m. and she went to bed after 10.00. Also kudos to my dad for driving me, mom and my brother to and from work, college, school and wherever else we had to go.

Same goes for Ganga, my second grandmother who cooked and packed lunches and got me ready for school, and waited by the gate till I got home. My Dadima used to drop me off in school every single day before she went to work. And it was Sharma aunty who used to pick me up from school every evening. It’s not until I had to do it that I realized it wasn’t so simple to show up every day at the same time especially if you had to work or manage other responsibilities. This I call the time-keeper superpower. It makes sure kids are woken up in time to catch the bus, that lunches are packed and kids get picked up on time.

I may have missed a few. If you supermoms/dads out there have any more to add please comment. Power up! You got this!