Tag Archives: dreams

A Place to Call Home…

Where is this elusive place called home? It seems like I’ve been searching for it all my life. Growing up, I had two homes. I spent the early part of my childhood with my grandma, missing the company of my brother and hoping to live with my parents. My teenage years I spent with my parents and for the most part it felt like home. But I always knew I couldn’t live there forever. Marriage loomed large and I couldn’t shake off the uncertainty that came with it. Would I still live in Chennai or would I move to a different city in India? Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d move to another country. A country so far away that you had to take two planes and travel across many time zones to get there!

That’s when the sickness began. This homesickness. But I think it was always there. This feeling of not belonging and wanting to be somewhere else. In the hope that ‘somewhere else’ would fill the gaping hole in my heart. But it never did. Some people can make a home anywhere and be happy anywhere. I do envy them. One friend said to me, “Where ever I am is home.” Wish I could say that!

Sometimes I think this whole alien conspiracy theory is true. Maybe I’m actually an alien from another planet who got left behind during a mission. They must have scrambled my memory because I have no idea who I am! There are days when people and the world makes no sense to me. I’m completely spaced out so to speak.

Then again maybe I have a memory of another lifetime when things were simple. When people mattered more than things or money. When mother earth was not taken for granted and everyone shared her bountiful resources. Maybe that’s the thing I’m missing. Maybe home no longer feels like home – a safe haven where you can be yourself and nurture yourself.  Everything seems to have changed since I last visited. Much like the city I grew up in – Chennai. Every time I go there something has changed – new buildings, 10,000 new cars, people everywhere. So much so that the very vibe of the city has changed and it doesn’t feel like the place I grew up.

Going home, for me,  is just a matter of booking tickets and boarding the right plane. Many others face the grim reality of never being able to go home or fearing for their safety when they travel to their homeland. One friend booked her tickets two weeks prior to the turmoil that erupted in her country. Now she fears for her family and would lose a lot of money if she cancels her tickets. My heart goes out to her. She just wants what I want – to spend the holidays with her family. I do hope and pray she can make it there safely and back.

For us going to India involves tackling visa issues, traffic, mosquitoes and the heat (in the summer). Our lives are not threatened nor our freedoms compromised. I did call this place home but over the years all the changes in me and in India make it feel less like home. The sad truth is no other place I’ve lived in feels even close to what Chennai felt like.

When I close my eyes and let my imagination fly, I can see that place. That place I would delight in calling home. The land is green. The people are smiling. Food is abundant. The smell of fresh earth mingles with the aroma of fresh vegetables stewing on a stove top. Children laugh and play. People come together and celebrate life everyday. They share and love and grow. Learn and teach. Worry and fear are alien emotions. Lack and disease, unheard of. Maybe I’m dreaming of Utopia. Maybe Utopia is the home I’m yearning for. And my quest continues…

A Sign From Above?

The first instance that came into my head when I thought about signs is of the time we were driving to Orlando or Tampa (I’m not sure which one). It’s a long drive, an hour or two depending on where you are headed. Somewhere along the way P and I started arguing and when it was over I was feeling lousy as ever. I wanted to step out of the car and go to a far away place. And then there it was – an airplane doing loop de loops in the sky. I watched, fascinated as the jet fumes turned into the letter G and then an O and then the word GOD. I was barely breathing. I had never seen anything like this before. But the jet kept going and when it was finished the words GOD LOVES YOU were written in the sky. I often say I was blown away but it was probably the only time in my life when I was totally bowled over, blown away and blasted into space, all at the same time!

I read about ‘signs from the universe’ in?…yes you guessed it – “The Secret”. It talks of the universe as a living entity with ‘ears’ to hear your every request and respond to it. I started looking for and asking for signs when I felt stuck or unable to make decisions. Once you start asking and stay open, signs start appearing when you least expect them or even before you ask for them. Let me share what happened a few weeks ago. Remember I wasn’t sure if I should use blogging sites or start my own blog (website)? I even went as far as setting up a poll on facebook asking you to decide. Of course not many of you saw the poll and just two people responded. I really wasn’t sure what to do. That week every time I went up to my car there was this huge web between it and my neighbor’s car in the parking lot. It was on the driver’s side of the vehicle. So I would walk all the way around the car so as not to walk into the web, get into the car and then back out. Of course the web would get destroyed as I backed out of my parking space.

But the next day when I went to the car there was another beautiful web waiting for me. It happened all week – web after web after web, woven perfectly by this incredible spider with a never-say-die attitude. That’s when it dawned on me that I should go for a website! Duh! Thank you universe and thank you spider for being a medium to get the message across.


Another way the universe speaks to you (yes it apparently has vocal cords in addition to ears) is through the radio. Do you hear the same song everytime you turn on the radio? Then the universe is talking to you – pay attention to the lyrics! Recently I heard what doesn’t break you makes you stronger, we belong to the light we belong to the thunder. Also been hearing it’s gonna be a good life, ever since the beginning of this year and it has been amazing so far!

Also pay attention to your dreams. Some of us are so over stimulated during the day that we miss many signs and the only way the universe can get through is when we are sleeping, in which case we are completely relaxed and open. I had some very powerful dreams right after my daughter broke her arm. It was a very stressful time and we both slept fitfully at night for several weeks. I had to make sure that she didn’t sleep on her cast. I woke up so many times during the night that I was able to vividly recall my dreams. This dream came before I started writing these posts and at that time I was seriously contemplating doing some course to hone my skills and improve my chances of landing a job. I felt rusty and like I didn’t have anything valuable to offer.

In the dream I was getting a ride to Walmart because I urgently needed groceries. Getting a ride from total strangers. Women I had never seen before. It was late at night and when we turned the corner into the Walmart parking lot, I felt something by my feet. I looked down and saw that all the groceries I needed were in a bag on the floor. There are many ways to interpret this dream but the overpowering emotion that permeated the entire dream was a feeling of relief washing over me. I’ve got everything. I don’t need to make this trip to Walmart. The urgency vanished and was replaced by a feeling of strange contentment. I’ve got everything I need right here with me. I am enough. I am good just the way I am. It was a very powerful dream and the feelings associated with it washed every iota of doubt I had about putting myself out there.

You may also see numbers repeatedly like 11.11 or 3.33 or 4.44 on digital clocks. They are also signs from the universe. Finding pennies, feathers. Seeing rainbows, butterflies, dragonflies. Everything is a sign. The universe is alive and speaking to you – you only need to listen to its whispers.

Would love to hear what signs you have seen lately. Do share it below in the comments box.