For All My Single Friends

Funny that this note started out as Love 101 – everything you need to find and keep the love of your life! But then fate intervened and I read this book called “Empowering Women” by Louise Hay. Changed my life (just yesterday by the way!)  So let me start by apologizing to all my single friends. I’ve been a blundering fool. I’ve judged, I’ve compared, I’ve used outdated standards to measure the worth of women such as yourself. Beautiful, talented, self-sufficient women who can very well do without men. The notion that you are incomplete without a man has to be thrown out the window. I’m sorry but I held onto to that belief too – unconsciously. It’s a lie that we have accepted as the gospel truth.  We are not here to marry or procreate. That is not the ‘sole’ purpose of our lives! At least not everyone’s life.

If that were the case I would have been blissfully happy and continued to be a stay-at-home mom, cared for my husband when he retired, stayed a dutiful wife till my dying day and then shed my mortal shell and lined up at heaven’s gate. Puh-leez! Mind you for centuries women did just that. It was not ‘genteel’ for women to work or sweat! Women had to stay home and knit, cook, sew and take care of kids and support their ‘man’. But the good news is you don’t have to do that. However, if you search your psyche you will find remnants of these outdated ideas. Media plays a big role to propagate these ideas.

Take a moment to reflect on the last 5 chick flicks (FYI I hate that phrase!) you watched.  What was the storyline? How to find a man? How to please a man? How to fix your flaws so you can find a man? The taming of the ‘supposed’ shrew? Isn’t there something wrong with the picture? No wonder women feel the pressure to marry and have babies. They think that it is the only happily ever after scenario! They feel the stigma attached to being single. The clock is ticking they say. I have to settle down. Something is wrong with me (this is the most horrible conclusion you can come to). I’m too social. I’m too smart. I’m too sensitive. I should stop being me, then I can have a good man in my life. Infinite excuses. I’m sure you can come up with some unique ones yourself.

Stop! Don’t start whipping yourself with insults. It’s time to love yourself just the way you are and enjoy the life you have created sans men. I implore you not to look to a man to ‘complete’ you. You were born whole and complete. I’m not asking you to take a vow of celibacy but please don’t beat yourself up and think you aint worth nothing if you aint got a man. Love yourself and all that you have accomplished. Having a man in your life could have slowed you down, could have changed your course, he could have imposed his grandoise plans on you. He could have tried to ‘fix’ you to fit his needs!

If there is a man who complements you he will come along soon enough. If not, be happy anyways. This is what God intended for you. Stop fighting it and stop hating yourself for being single. Surround yourself with people who love you and honor you, not well-meaning friends who want to fix you up with some guy they know.

I see I’ve ruffled a few feathers. You are thinking what do you know about being single, you got married at 23! Well the grass is always greener on the other side girlfriend. Marriage aint a piece of cake (but I’ll save that for another post!)

Don’t let anyone make you feel like a lesser mortal. I’ve known that feeling. People thought I was wasting my time staying at home and taking care of my kids. I didn’t have a job so it meant I wasn’t smart enough. I couldn’t drive so something was wrong with me. You see if you let the world decide what you are worth, it is going to find ways to diminish you. And I am here to say you are perfect just the way you are and that you are right where you are meant to be. To conclude love comes in many forms. Bliss can be found at many levels. A ring aint what your heart is aching for sister!