When do normal people retire? Typically after their kids leave the nest and they have hit a certain age. For me retirement came at the ripe old age of 30! Yes 30! After being a full time mom for several years and spending every breathing moment with my toddlers, they suddenly left me for prospective elementary schools. I went from needy toddlers hanging from my arms to totally jobless and unattached (to children). For six hours every day I wandered like a ghost from room to room in my empty house.
I spent the mornings surfing the web or watching talk shows. After lunch which was usually leftovers or something out of the freezer, a great weariness would come over me and I simply had to lay me down for a nap. Once a week I went for gentle yoga classes at the community center. Gentle yoga is a euphemism for I’m-too-old-to-bend-like-that! My instructor and all the other students were silver haired and had grandchildren. They were a jolly bunch and always commended me on being extremely bendy. Once a week I did grocery shopping and found that all other retired people liked to shop early in the morning on a weekday when the crowds were thin. Made perfect sense to me if you wanted to avoid running over toddlers and not have to deal with traffic jams in every aisle.
It really didn’t help that I lived in the retirement state of Florida. My hair which was jet black up until my 30th year slowly started showing signs of graying. It was like my hair decided to catch up with my retired lifestyle. It wasn’t all bad. Being at the other end of the age spectrum prematurely, helped me gain a lot of wisdom and insight. Like the rat race was good for people who wanted to lose weight. If you have seen me you know that weight is not one of my problems! I was forced to slow down while everyone else was scurrying around being really busy. In fact they were all so busy that they had no time to spare. Me? I had all the time in the world. Time to idle. Time to read. Time to chat with friends. Time to play with my kids. Time to cook. Time to write. Time to simply let my mind wander.
When you have a million things to do your mind is on overdrive. Jumping from one task to another. I was standing still while the world around me was in constant motion. Time also stood still and mocked me. But in those still, quiet moments I found myself and healed parts of myself that were broken.
Then my life took a drastic turn and I was pushed out of my involuntary retirement into a life full of busyness. Quite like in the movies where the protagonist is running happily across a corn field (in slow motion) and then suddenly she is scurrying around hurriedly trying to do a million things (in fast forward). Pretty comical!
I’m no longer bored and can’t sit around idling. My mornings I devote to household chores and cooking and then go to work in the afternoon. The thing I miss the most is my afternoon siesta. I also miss staying in my pajamas all day or having inspiration strike when I’m folding laundry or packing lunches.
Now I know why writers shut themselves up in their rooms or run off to some exotic and totally remote location to get away from it all. My mind is always racing these days and my creativity has taken a beating. That Frost guy really knew what he was talking about. I really don’t have the time to stand and stare. On more than one occasion I have begged my family to go on shopping trips without me simply because I yearned for some quiet time with myself. Yes, the ghostly ghoul side of me feels neglected. Haunting rooms is much simpler than trying to juggle everything and trying to be a superwoman. Simple but mildly unsatisfying. Not to mention the dire consequences that your brain has to endure from too much sleep, too little activity and hardly any stimulation.
Anyways in another decade or so the kids will be really gone (not just gone all day). Maybe I’ll have a career. Maybe I’ll be a best selling author with a vacation home in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe I’ll just be retired and living in an empty house full of memories. But I know I’ll be prepared. I know I will enjoy spending time with myself. My involuntary retirement years taught me that there is a time to be busy and a time to slow down. So Life, bring it on!
8 thoughts on “My Involuntary Retirement Years…”
Having always found myself at the super crazy insanely busy part of the spectrum, it amazes me I managed to read your post 🙂
So true that we need to balance both! I too crave for alone time to do nothing at all!
Remember all those childhood days of nothingness! Never could I have guessed, it wouldn’t last forever!
Thanks for the nice read, esp this line ” Being at the other end of the age spectrum prematurely, helped me gain a lot of wisdom and insight”
Love you tons always!
Thanks Geetika. Always marveled at how you juggle so many things at once!
This made me smile and take note of what I do with my day. Some of those lines are so profound. You write so beautifully.
Thank you Kalai. Isn’t it amazing how little or how much we can accomplish in 24 hours 🙂
I used to have a friend that would say after a slow day at work that we needed to learn to “love the lag.” How true that is. We are quickly reminded of the fact that we should enjoy those still, quiet moments when life turns on a dime and heads in the other direction.
True Susan, especially in a world that is wired to be on the go 24/7.
loved, loved, loved this blog …. so endearing and cute …, can fully relate …. a very easy read that just flows effortlessly
Thank you Namami.